


Could I Tell You This Time? (how i wish you were mine)

by 22ndaisy



Category: BAE173 (Band), H&D (Korea Band), Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunken Kissing, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Making Up, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/22ndaisy/pseuds/22ndaisy
Summary: Prompt #55.Hangyul is in love with his best friend. Best friend in question always does this iadorable kitten lip curl that makes Hangyul want to kiss him every time. Fortunately, Hangyul is always strong enough to not sabotage their friendship by kissing his best friend out of the blue.Until he isn't.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28
Collections: Blazing Lights





	Could I Tell You This Time? (how i wish you were mine)

**Author's Note:**

> Advanced apologies to prompter; this is probably far from what you imagined the fic to be like. The angst inserted itself without my permission. ;~;

Hangyul’s tolerance for alcohol was fairly average.

Their circle of friends wasn’t usually the type to go out on a Friday or Saturday night to get drunk and wasted, usually preferring to share a few bottles of beer over street food or with some chicken or pizza while watching a movie or playing videogames.

But it was Kookheon’s birthday and a few hard drinks wouldn’t hurt. Besides, Hangyul thought it was a good excuse to shed his joggers and muscle tees for something dressier for a change. A little change in environment was welcome, too, seeing as most of his weeks were spent just bouncing alternately between his house, the campus, the gym, and the dojo where he part-times as a taekwondo instructor for kids.

“Come on, Seungyoun!” Jinhyuk hollered from Hangyul’s right, reaching an impossibly long arm out so that he was shaking a shot glass in front of Hangyul’s best friend’s face who was seated to his right.

Jinhyuk’s boyfriend, who was all snug under his other free arm, slapped a reprimanding hand at Jinhyuk’s chest. “Seungyoun is driving,” Wooseok said, chuckling a bit at the situation.

“Yeah, I can’t,” Seungyoun seconded, jerking a thumb towards Hangyul, “I’m driving Hangyul’s fat ass home.”

Hangyul rolled his eyes at his best friend’s playful jibe. “As if you didn’t insist!” the youngest of the bunch accused, even as he snatched the shot glass that was being offered to Seungyoun and downed the contents himself instead.

“Hey, that’s supposed to be Cho’s-”

His best friend was only either drinking or driving. There was no way Hangyul would let him do both.

The drink, which was a mix of gin and some lemon-flavored cider required some effort to be swallowed but once Hangyul got past that, the drink was sliding down his throat smoothly, sending waves of heat all over his body starting from his chest.

“I told you I could just take a cab to and from here,” Hangyul told his best friend as he fanned his white designer shirt (which he got as a gift from one of the kids he teaches) in an attempt to cool his body temperature down. 

The night might still be young, but he’d already had about six? seven? shots, all served and handed to him by the birthday boy himself.

“And I told you that Mom allowed me to take the car, so…” Seungyoun just gave him an unaffected shrug.

“You could leave your car here overnight if you want to drink,” Wooseok piped in, earning a smug look from Jinhyuk and a thoughtful one from Seungyoun. “Kookheon is getting us more drinks.”

_Right._ Wooseok’s family owned the bar so, indeed, that was not going to be a problem, Hangyul gathered, so he turned to his best friend.

Seungyoun appeared to be giving it some consideration and there was a brief moment where his gaze collided with Hangyul’s in which the younger had to fight the urge to look away, choosing to raise an inquisitive eyebrow at his best friend instead. 

“I’ll have one. Just one,” Seungyoun sighed in surrender, beaming at the couple like a cheshire cat up to no good. “And that’s it,” he added, combined with a hand held up in a promise to his best friend who was acting like his guardian for some reason. 

Hangyul shook his head and playfully rolled his eyes. “Could have been more if you didn’t insist on taking Auntie’s car,” he pointed out. “Any more than one shot and I’m not letting you drive me home, hyung.”

“Awww,” Seungyoun cooed with some exaggeration, pinching his best friend’s nose while his other hand received the shot glass which Jinhyuk had already refilled and was reaching over to give him. “My Gyullie is worried about me.” And there went his limit for the night, down his throat.

“Says the guy who insists on driving me to and from here,” Hangyul scoffed, gently slapping Seungyoun’s hand away. “I’m worried about you driving me _to my death_ ,” he clarified.

“Alright, you two, stop bickering like a couple,” Kookheon interrupted, pushing a bottle of beer towards the two best friend’s hands. “Drink this!”

Seungyoun looked at the bottle in his hand, and then at Hangyul who had already begun drinking his, while watching the older with judgmental eyes, telling the older that the younger was watching his alcohol intake.

It was clear. Hangyul wouldn’t let him drive if he so much as took another sip.

But it wasn’t Kookheon’s birthday everyday. So the older made his decision, shrugged sheepishly, and guided the mouth of the beer bottle to his lips as Hangyul started putting down his own.

“Alright, I’m taking a cab home!” Hangyul hollered loud enough for the entire exclusive room to hear, earning snickers from the birthday boy, and a shake of the head from the rest of the bunch.

“We’re _both_ taking a cab home,” Seungyoun said, grinning widely at his best friend. “You’re still stuck with me, Lee Hangyul. But hey, more drinks for me!”

Hangyul just sighed while Jinhyuk howled in victory, pumping a fist in the air; Wooseok burying his smiling face onto his boyfriend’s neck, giggling (at the two oblivious best friends who weren’t even aware that their bickering was bordering flirting, too.)

At three hours past midnight, Seungyoun and Hangyul were standing side by side at the sidewalk, waiting for the cab that the older booked to take them both home.

Unlike Seungyoun who was at most tipsy, Hangyul was about one shot away from being properly drunk. But he said he could still hold himself up, so Seungyoun let him be. Not without keeping an eye on him though, making sure that the younger wouldn’t trip over his own feet and face-plant himself onto the pavement.

“What’s taking taxi ahjussi so long?” Hangyul whined under his breath, buying his hands deep inside his black leather jacket, and bouncing on his feet impatiently as his breath formed beautiful wisps in front of his mouth as he talked. Then huffed. Then pouted. Then huffed again.

(Seungyoun just watched, thinking that a whiny and impatient drunk Hangyul was highkey cute & entertaining.)

The older checked his phone and told his best friend, “The app says he’s six minutes away.” He then switched to his Message app to text his Mom about the car staying overnight at the bar, but was interrupted when Hangyul said something which he didn’t catch the first time.

“What was that?” Seungyoun asked, stifling his laughter at how wide and glazed over Hangyul’s eyes are. You would think that a drunk man would be all drowsy and woozy but Hangyul’s all cute & wide, googly eyes.

“Kitty,” Hangyul said monotonously, referring to the cute lip curl that the older does unconsciously, making tiny & otherwise hidden dimples appear at the corner of Seungyoun’s lips.

The older furrowed his eyebrows wondering what his drunk best friend was on about, unconscious of the tiny pout that had his bottom lip jutting out. 

“This is the most drunk I’ve seen you, and honestly? You’re so random and cute when you’re drunk, Gyullie,” Seungyoun chuckled nervously, hiding his blush behind a fake cough and a fist raised to his lips, because the younger was still studying him so intently.

_Lightbulb._

An idea struck Seungyoun.

Perhaps he should capture this moment and not let potential blackmail material go to waste. _Drunk Hangyul_ , he thought, _everyone should see how the ‘scary sophomore’ turns all whiny and pouty with alcohol in his system_. Seungyoun giggled under his breath as he unlocked his phone, tickled at his own genius idea while hurriedly trying to exit the currently open Message app to switch to his phone camera instead.

(“Kiss the kitty,” Hangyul thought out loud. Not that Seungyoun heard, as the latter was focused on his phone.

In a sober state, Hangyul would always divert his eyes away whenever the older did that unconscious habit of his which Seungyoun displayed whenever he was focused or thinking hard. It was one of the cutest fucking things his best friend ever does.

But now Hangyul was drunk and the alcohol robbed him both of the strength & desire to look away.

So Hangyul stared. And stumbled a step closer.)

“Damn these short, stupid thumbs,” Seungyoun complained in a whisper as he missed the icon which would take him to his Camera app, accidentally hitting the Settings icon instead.

He chanced a glance at his best friend for a moment and was relieved that the younger had remained standing stock still so when Seungyoun finally, _finally_ got to his Camera app and lifted his head, he was surprised to gather that Hangyul had taken another step closer, and was still peering at him earnestly.

Seungyoun’s breath caught in his throat and his eyes fluttered in fast blinks as he adjusted to Hangyul’s proximity because even though the younger obviously had too much to drink, Seungyoun could still smell Hangyul’s body wash which, by the way, smelled downright sexy. Not that he would ever admit that.

Hangyul took another treacherous step towards Seungyoun, and the older frowned.

The younger’s eyes were darting around his face looking for god only knows what, and the close scrutiny made Seungyoun tremble slightly because although Hangyul was his best friend, Hangyul was still an objectively helluva good-looking dude. _And he smelt so so sooo good. It was insane._

“What?” Seungyoun breathed out. “Is there anything on my face?”

Hangyul shook his head and the older pursed his lips, wondering what was going on in Hangyul’s drunk little mind.

And as he was about to lift a finger to the younger’s forehead to push him away, Hangyul suddenly grabbed his face and promptly muttered _“Kissy”_ before pressing their lips together.

In Seungyoun’s head he knew he should push Hangyul away but after the initial shock of the first almost harsh contact, the younger’s lips softened against his.

_Dear God. Yes._

So without his consent, Seungyoun’s eyes had fluttered close while Hangyul closed whatever remaining gap there was between their chests with another bold step, hands not letting go of his face, lips never parting with his.

The younger pulled away for a second and inside Seungyoun’s short-circuiting brain, he’d begun to panic. Should he pretend that that didn’t just happen, or should he prepare to feign nonchalance or indifference as if his best friend’s lips on his didn’t- _Oh, wait._

_Oh. There he was again._

_Hangyul was kissing him again._

And perhaps a tiny squeak of surprise sounded from the older’s throat when he realized that Hangyul was now holding his face between his hands eternities more gently; close-lipped shy kisses nothing but a gentle pressure against Seungyoun’s - undemanding, curious, and careful. (Seungyoun didn’t even realize that his hands had balled the fabric of Hangyul’s shirt in his small, tense fists; holding onto the younger’s waist.)

He felt his best friend smile against his lips - perhaps a pleased reaction to Seungyoun neither pushing him away nor remaining unresponsive because boy, was Seungyoun _engaged_ ; reciprocating the pecking and pressing with some of his own. Their kissing as slow, innocent, quiet, and tentative as they come. _Heaven._

Hangyul pulled apart once more, and Seungyoun instinctively surged forward, eagerly chasing the younger’s plump lips with his own but the younger shoved him away with a hand to his chest. Rather harshly, especially for someone who’d just been kissing him.

But before he could take offense and take it personally, Hangyul was bowling over, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the ground between them, barely missing Seungyoun’s shoe.

_Great. Just great._

~

Consciousness slowly wormed its way onto Hangyul’s sleep-fogged brain.

He wanted to stretch every limb and every joint until they ached, but there was an unknown weight on his chest that allowed him to only go as far as arching his back and stretching his free arm over his head.

He was prone to getting hangover migraines but there seemed to be none of that this morning, so he was thankful; just his right arm uncomfortably and awkwardly squeezed between his torso and-

_Hold up._

Seungyoun’s deep groan rumbled & vibrated through _their_ pressed chests as he tucked his face snug under Hangyul’s chin. Against Hangyul’s neck.

And all these transpired before Hangyul could even process the shock at the fact that his Seungyoun hyung was in bed with him; all cuddled up against him, making each and every one of Hangyul’s daydreams become reality.

“Just five more minutes…” the older grumbled under his breath to no one in particular, like a force of habit, sending warmth to the exposed skin of the younger’s neck that seemed to linger there before it seeped under his skin and spread down to his heart.

“Uh,” Hangyul dumbly began, left arm suspended in the air. “Seungyoun hyung-”

“Noooo, I said five minutes…” and the petulant tone in the older’s voice was supported with his lower limbs swinging over Hangyul’s.

The younger had no doubt whatsoever that his best friend was more asleep than awake - this was exactly how Seungyoun would behave whenever Hangyul would go over to his house to wake him up, except the snuggling was usually done with his hugging pillow. Not… Hangyul.

So the younger laid there in shock, lips pursed, and heart hammering against his ribcage while staring at the ceiling in an effort to make as little movement as possible. He wondered how Seungyoun remained asleep through the loud thundering of his heart, but he hoped to all the gods that it stayed that way.

He lowered his free hand to Seungyoun’s forearm that was around his waist, and began to gently prise it off of him while holding his breath. 

He succeeded; surprisingly enough, with much care. (Seungyoun harrumphed and made several grumpy sounds during the process though.) And eventually, the older gently rolled over to lay on his other side, turning his back towards Hangyul.

The younger then released the breath he was holding in a loud whoosh, letting his muscles release the built up tension. He laid a hand to his heaving chest (the one that had been squeezed between his torso and Seungyoun’s) and sat up, only now realizing that he was already in his comfy sleeping clothes.

And it was then that, unprovoked and unprecedented, the events of last night came invading his thoughts, replaying inside his head like a bad coming of age movie that began with his poor old self trying to channel Seungyoun’s fashion sense as he decided on his outfit; because the older will surely usher him back to decide on Hangyul clothes himself, had the younger appeared wearing less flattering, less fashionable outfit. And also because Hangyul wanted to look good for Seungyoun… _because_!

Said teen movie then fast forwarded to him being blown away as he opened the door to a Seungyoun who was wearing a thick woolly sweater paired with a dog tag, beanie, loose pants, and a pair of sneakers; looking effortlessly _good_ standing at Hangyul’s doorstep. Like a dream.

Then it was driving to the bar, and having fun at the bar and then-

“ _Fuck_ ,” the Hangyul of the present whispered under his breath as he recalled the defining moment of last night -

He kissed his best friend; the realization came as he cast a panicked look at Seungyoun’s clothed back still turned towards him.

_Fuck_ , he mentally cursed, groaning. “Fuck me.”

And if his recollection was accurate, his best friend, _the_ Cho Seungyoun who was not drunk at all, kissed him back. Enthusiastically, if he remembered it correctly. 

_Oh my god_ , they really-

“You’re awake?”

Seungyoun’s scratchy, sleepy voice shattered the silence of the room, while at the same time silenced the chaos inside Hangyul’s head.

The younger considered pretending he had no memory of last night whatsoever and because he both had not the time to decide and was not in the right headspace to weigh his options, he ended up instinctively going with that dumb idea, despite knowing that he could never lie to Seungyoun. And that Seungyoun knew him like the back of his own hand. 

Hangyul sensed that he looked sort of like a deer caught in headlights, so he quickly schooled his features into a less guilty look the same time he willed his rioting heart to calm down - but also _shit_ , Seungyoun looked so soft with his hair sticking in out in all possible directions, and his eyes bleary with sleep.

He nodded in response, then averted his eyes from Seungyoun’s knowing, watchful ones. He then watched from his peripheral vision how the older carefully pushed himself up and faced him, both of them sitting on the bed, thoughts weighed down by the events of last night.

And it was Seungyoun’s sigh that opened what Hangyul feared was Pandora’s box.

“We can’t not talk about last night,” the older said, jumping the gun almost forlornly, as if he also knew that this conversation could not be heading somewhere safe, comfortable, and convenient.

_Okay, so they’re doing this. Now, apparently._

“What do you mean?” Hangyul squeaked, his attempt at pretending to not know what the older was talking about, crumbling into a sorry excuse for a lie, if his high-pitched voice and fidgety fingers were anything to go by.

Another sigh from Seungyoun, and Hangyul panicked - neither wanted to slip it all under the rug, nor tackle the matter so soon. He needed time, but apparently, Seungyoun didn’t, much to his dismay.

“Can you please not treat me like I’m dumb?”

“I’m not-”

“We both know you know what I’m talking about,” the older said, voice quickly gaining an impatient edge to it, despite the raspy element that having just woken up gave it as well. “You do know that I could have gone home last night and acted like a coward - like you are doing now - and never discuss last night, right? But I value our friendship so much.” A pause, one that felt necessary in order to continue. “You matter so much to me and I can’t-”

“I can’t throw away our friendship just like that, Seungyoun hyung,” Hangyul supplied, cutting off his best friend with a frown, before the older was about to bring their conversation to where he feared the most and Hangyul just… _can’t_.

He can’t lose Seungyoun. (As if the drunken kiss wasn’t capable of doing that all on its own.)

If he lost his best friend over some alcohol and poor self-control, he’d never forgive himself. Hangyul would really rather painstakingly cherish this love by himself - unrequited as it was - than be shunned out of Cho Seungyoun’s life.

Might as well be stuck in Cho Seungyoun’s (best) friendzone forever than risk losing it all - lose his Seungyoun hyung and the subtle way he looks after Hangyul, making the younger’s fondness grow impossibly deeper with every, _“I told you to text me as soon as you got home last night. Yet you didn’t.”_

_“There’s no negotiating this. I’m coming to pick you up. In fact, I’m already on my way there.”_

_“I asked Mom to prepare you lunch, too.”_

_“He gives off an assholey vibe, Gyul. Be careful, please. If you want a bail-out, I’m just a call away._

_“You seemed off. Talk to me.”_

_“I told them we can’t come. Dohyon told me_ _you’ve been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter this week.”_

Hangyul knew it was wrong and selfish - liking and falling for his best friend - but did the universe really expect him to remain unfazed after dropping into his life a whole Cho Seungyoun, who was thoughtfulness, hilarity, good looks, talent, kindness, wits, sexiness, and intelligence all wrapped into one?

Hangyul knew he was no match; knew the moment he accepted that he was crushing on his best friend that it wasn’t going to end well with him and that he was going to fall deep & hard. Irreversibly.

He’d also long accepted that a best friend was all he could ever be to Cho Seungyoun because the older probably had really high standards, seeing as the older only ever went out on a date with someone (despite countless confessions) once. _Once._

Well, that was about two years ago, about the same time Hangyul started developing a crush on him and, in an initial & futile attempt to undo his feelings for his best friend which he’d tagged ‘forbidden’, dated someone from Seungyoun’s year. Not that it worked; Hangyul and the captain of the soccer team which Seungyoun was also in - Han Seungwoo - lasting only two months.

While, yeah, Seungyoun dated a whole Wang Yibo.

Even to Hangyul, the two could have been, would have been such a power couple. Both beautiful and desired by so many. The only pair so perfect and so well-matched, it made sense if they lasted. But they didn’t, for some reason which probably won’t make sense to Hangyul even if he knew what it was. As far as he knew, a second date never even happened.

Hangyul dared to look at his best friend now, “I wanna stay friends, hyung, please.” He knew it was clear that he was almost pleading, begging their friendship to remain intact; but clearly, in his high-strung panic, he seemed to have forgotten one teenie tiny detail about last night: That Seungyoun kissed him back.

“I’m-” Hangyul stuttered, deciding in that moment to lie through his teeth, to do whatever it takes to keep Seungyoun from throwing their friendship out of the window, “I’m sorry for last night.”

And he was surprised that his remark just made the older look at him incredulously, mouth hanging half open and eyebrows drawn, almost as if he was somewhat offended at Hangyul’s apology. He was slightly red in the face, too, and the younger knew it wasn’t for the same reason he himself was blushing. 

No, Seungyoun was mad.

“I kissed you back,” the older pointed out with so much venom, it made Hangyul flinch back with a start.

“I kissed you back,” Seungyoun repeated more carefully, low and slow, followed by a scoff this time, taking a moment to let the truth sink in on Hangyul who was now struck speechless by the reminder of the fact. “I kissed you back and _you’re sorry_ ?” A bitter laugh. “ _You kissed me_ and now you wanna _stay friends_? Well, shit. Lee Hangyul. I never took you for a-”

“Seungyoun hyung-”

“Save it!” Seungyoun yelled, shaking his head and holding a hand up to stop his best friend from saying any more.

He was visibly upset and it rendered Hangyul speechless, never having seen his best friend let his temper fly.

“Save it. And you know what? I’ll even give you what you want! Fine! We’ll _stay friends_ !” the older spat in sarcasm, even using air quotes. “But forgive me but I don’t really wanna do anything with you right now. I’ll come around. Give me a month. But in the meantime, stay away. _I’ll stay away._ ”

Then Seungyoun paused for a moment, as if letting Hangyul prepare for his next words.

“If you could pull one like last night and this morning,” Seungyoun spoke carefully, “Then, at least, give me this.”

Hangyul floundered. Like a fish out of water.

Out of all the ways he predicted his best friend would react, this spiteful Cho Seungyoun that just hurled the most indifferent words he’d ever heard from him, was not what who the younger expected.

It was clear to Hangyul, in his denial of and apology for what transpired between them last night, that he’d offended the older. And that all these were just but defensive tactics of Seungyoun to mask how Hangyul had hurt him.

But before the younger could do or say anything, Seungyoun had started throwing, kicking, and whipping the sheets off of his legs in a show of blatant irritation; in a rush to flee his best friend’s presence.

And the younger knew he had to do something. Say something.

_Stop him. Tell him the truth. Just confess already, dammit!_

But by the time Hangyul had pulled himself out of his dumbstruck trance, Seungyoun was almost at the door.

“Wait!” the younger called after his best friend, leaving the bed and reaching out to wrap his fingers around Seungyoun’s wrist, effectively stopping the older. “Seungyoun hyung, wait!”

“Let me go,” the older gritted, not bothering to turn and look at Hangyul whose heart was on the edge, arrested by fear. 

“Let me explain, please?” he tugged at Seungyoun’s wrist.

He was scared. That if he let Seungyoun leave now, he was never returning. That one month will become two. Then three. Until next thing they both know is that they were no longer friends anymore.

All because of some alcohol in his system and Seungyoun doing that darndest most adorable absentminded habit of his, making Hangyul just want to kiss him senseless whenever he did it. 

“You dare kiss me…” Seungyoun chuckled mirthlessly, turning around to his face his best friend, searching his eyes for everything that Hangyul was trying his hardest to conceal. “Then dare say that you’re sorry for doing so and now you’re here asking for a chance to explain?”

“Yes. Please.”

Seungyoun whipped his head back, eyes round & wide at the younger’s audacity.

Hangyul continued, “Because you said it yourself, hyung- you kissed me back. And that, too, needs explanation. Please.”

The older said nothing.

“Please?” Hangyul repeated, letting his fingers slip from around the older, shrinking onto himself lightly, and preparing for rejection. In more ways than one.

And because it was Lee Hangyul, as much as his pride & ego were on the line, Seungyoun caved; his defeat evident in the way his shoulders dropped as a soft whoosh of air escaped him. 

“We’re not the same, Lee Hangyul,” he simply said, staring at the floor and keeping the volume of his voice to a minimum. “I was ready to talk to you about it, not tell you that I was sorry it happened. Because I wasn’t.”

A gasp flew out of Hangyul’s lips.

And Seungyoun continued, “I let it happen because I wanted it to, Gyul.” He lifted his chin and let his stare clash with his best friend’s, baring the full extent of his disappointment, and the underlying doubt and confusion just swimming beneath the surface of his pain-stricken eyes. “I like you; _liked_ you even before the kiss. Even without it. And that’s my explanation.”

Hangyul failed to process the confession fully, but he began to move forward - probably to touch Seungyoun in some way - but the older stopped him with a hand on his chest before he could.

“Hyung…”

“You don’t have to do anything or say anything, Gyul. Your denial was explanation enough. And I understand. It was probably just the alcohol anyways,” he took a shaky breath for a moment, which Hangyul used to attempt to talk, dammit! But Seungyoun was as stubborn as the younger was, and he was once again reaching for the door behind him, as he gave his best friend a sad smile. “I’ll stay your friend. Your best friend, even. But I still need time. You understand that, right?”

Hangyul did. But he didn’t have to like the idea of it. Especially not when he hasn’t had the chance to explain, what with Seungyoun jumping into conclusions before he could even open his mouth; the older out of the door before the younger could even form the words to properly clear the air and confess where he’s coming from.

_I love you. And a month away is unnecessary, dammit. Stop putting words in my mouth._ These were the words that Hangyul wanted to say. But as he just stared at the door which Seungyoun closed behind him, only three words escaped him.

“I fucked up.”

~

Hangyul didn’t realize how much of his regular day; how much of his life, really, involved Seungyoun, until he had been going four days in the month away that his best friend needed.

He was unable to escape the fact that his first single thought in the morning, the prevalent one in the shower, the last one before he goes to sleep, and the one bouncing back and forth in his brain whenever his thoughts weren’t occupied was, _I’m so in love with him. I don’t think I could last a month. I want my best friend back._

With his cellphone in his hands, Hangyul stared at Seungyoun’s contact name on his screen, contemplating just downright jumping at the deep end, and confessing that the past few days have been complete hell without seeing & talking to the other, the random text messages, and the goofy selfies they usually traded all throughout the day. 

“ _Hey_ ,” he typed, before he added a white flag emoji next to the single word, hoping that his best friend knew what it connotated.

_I surrender. Can we talk. Please?_

He hit Send before he chickened out, and just hoped that Seungyoun was missing him as terribly as he was missing the older.

Truthfully, Seungyoun wasn’t faring any better.

Everyday, the older would regret asking for the month away from each other.

He didn’t realize he’d grown accustomed to Hangyul’s constant and steady presence in his everyday life, too. There hadn’t been a day in which he didn’t ache to just throw his pride out of the window and just be with Hangyul.

They didn’t even have to talk. He just wanted to see him. Be with him. Hear his voice. (Maybe the sound of the younger’s giggles, if he was being greedy.)

He stared at Hangyul’s one-word text from a week ago and frowned. He wanted to reply so badly to his best friend but what should he say? Deep in his thoughts where his ego was debating with his longing to reply to Hangyul, his eyes strayed to Hangyul’s contact picture.

It was Hangyul with that up-to-no-good goofy face he had, staring at the camera comically, nostrils blown, with an apple hair - the tiny ponytail of his bangs standing atop his head like a toddler and oh god, he missed Hangyul terribly. So much that his eyes began tearing up a bit.

What was the month for again? Because Seungyoun for sure just felt like a tool who subjected himself to torture because there wasn’t even any contemplating nor sorting of feelings that needed to be done. Not on his part, anyway.

He knew he liked his best friend from the get go. He wouldn’t even have approached Hangyul in the bleachers after his soccer practice if he hadn’t thought the other was a total looker.

Seungyoun will admit he intended to hit on Hangyul when he first struck a conversation with the younger, not expecting how easily conversation flowed with the lowerclass man who Seungyoun originally thought was in his year. He just didn’t bank on being totally captivated by Hangyul’s child-like innocence, the younger’s banger of a sense of humor, and his precious heart.

He knew early on that the other was worth more than a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am quick romp in the sheets, and honestly, he didn’t want to jeopardise a budding friendship over his stupid crush (and raging libido - because yes, anyone could see that Hangyul was hot, right?) that initially drew him to Hangyul.

Even before he met Hangyul, Seungyoun originally wasn’t the type to sleep around much. And even when he did hook up, it wasn’t so shallow that he did it with whoever so much as reciprocated his attraction. He knew for sure though, that he just completely stopped doing so - ceased wanting anyone else, ceased wanting anything shallow and meaningless - after he’d become friends with Hangyul. 

Lee Hangyul was different.

Knowing Hangyul and becoming friends with him elicited in Seungyoun an unfamiliar, and almost scary longing for something meaningful. Something intimidating that would demand Seungyoun to risk so much.

Yet the older didn’t run. He couldn’t.

The Cho Seungyoun of today could perhaps confess that it was also a subconscious attempt at being a better person. For Hangyul. Like Hangyul. Perhaps he wanted to become someone who was worthy of being in the life of someone as kindhearted, and as pure as his best friend.

(Not that Hangyul ever demanded him to change or anything or deemed himself a better person than the older.)

And Seungyoun was so damn afraid he’d completely just fucked it up. Years of friendship. And over what? Because he was hurt that his best friend, whom he liked since forever, kissed him and then was sorry for it?

“Seungyounie?” a voice broke his trance, reminding him that he was in their lockers, waiting for soccer practice to begin.

He raised his head and lo and behold, the captain of the soccer team and the guy whom Hangyul used to date - Han Seungwoo, standing in the doorway. Impeccable timing.

“Coach- Well, the team had been waiting for you,” the older chuckled apologetically, as if he knew Seungyoun had been mentally preoccupied with something before he interrupted, “We were supposed to start practice about ten minutes ago.”

“Oh!” Seungyoun straightened up, realizing that he’d been lost in his thoughts of Hangyul for longer than he intended, “I’m sorry I was-”

The lame excuse Seungyoun was about to hand out was cut off by someone’s phone ringing and Seungwoo perked up at the sound. “Perhaps I could take that while I’m here,” the older muttered cheekily, heading over to his locker, probably recognizing his ringtone.

“Let’s just head back together, Seungyounie,” Seungwoo offered quickly as he fished his phone out from his things, “I’ll just take this. Hopefully, it’ll be quick.”

The younger gave his captain a courteous nod, and hung back a bit nearer the exit when Seungwoo answered his phone, turning his back on the older to politely to give him some sort of privacy.

“Hangyul?!” Seungwoo answered his phone, alarmed, and the name shot through Seungyoun’s ears like a blaring alarm as curiosity and jealousy almost immediately set in, because what could Hangyul be calling his ex boyfriend for? While he’s on an unofficial break from his best friend whom he’d just kissed weeks ago?

“Are you alright?! Are you…” Seungwoo lowered his voice significantly, as if suddenly aware that someone was within earshot. “Are you _crying_?!”

Seungyoun’s shoulders became tense as he pretended to not be eavesdropping, while at the same time troubled over the tone of his captain’s voice.

Was it an emergency? Why was Hangyul not calling him instead? Seungyoun thought, before the answer hit him like a bulldozer. Because he asked the younger to stay away.

But if it was an emergency, surely, Hangyul would eventually tell him, right? (Seungyoun hated that he wasn’t sure anymore and it was all his fault.)

“No, tell me what’s going on,” Seungwoo insisted, and Seungyoun wanted to scoff. Who did Han Seungwoo think he was, acting all protective over his best friend? “Where are you right now?”

Seungyoun didn’t even know that his best friend kept in touch with Han Seungwoo, yet here was the captain of the soccer team, offering Hangyul a consoling tone, sounding more concerned than an ex-boyfriend should be allowed.

And because he couldn’t take it anymore, Seungyoun finally turned around and let his desperate stare clash with Seungwoo’s; the latter’s a mix of different emotions, changing by the second. First confusion, then there was guilt, then worry, and-

“I’ll be there in a few,” Seungwoo announced before ending the call and throwing his phone back to his locker, then facing Seungyoun again.

“I’ll go with you,” Seungyoun declared without asking the older’s opinion on the matter, and not the least bit ashamed of the implicit fact that he was listening in on the call. “He’s my best friend.”

“And yet he was calling me,” Seungwoo chuckled mirthlessly, running a tense hand through his hair and the younger was about to charge at him for the micro aggressive remark when the captain of the soccer team shook his head and spoke again. “You go on ahead, Seungyounie. I’ll talk to coach. Hangyul’s in his favorite dance practice room.”

The younger opened his mouth to speak but the older cut him off. “Go. Now.”

Seungyoun didn’t need to be told twice.

~

Hangyul felt horrible for being so selfish. He’d never been this emotional & reckless but he really should have known that at some point, his resolve to stay away from Seungyoun would crumble.

He was determined to distract himself by dancing until his muscles ached or until he was asked to vacate the practice room but his darned phone decided to play 2PM’s “My House” whose choreography Seungyoun and he always busted wherever and whenever.

It made Hangyul stand in the middle of the room for a moment, head swimming in memories; then the pre-chorus part came and Hangyul just couldn’t pretend to be strong anymore. From there, it was just rebellion against what he knew he should do as he slid down against the glass wall of the practice room after he’d grabbed his phone to stop the song, disconnect it from the bluetooth speakers, and place a call to his ex-boyfriend who was now dating his childhood friend, Kim Yohan.

He knew that Seungyoun had soccer practice today and he just wanted to know how he was doing. So bad. He missed him. So bad.

He didn’t even need to see him nor hear him. He just needed to-

“Seungwoo hyung,” he breathed as soon as the captain of the soccer team answered his call. “I’m sorry for calling without notice,” Hangyul apologized, composing himself as emotions threatened to choke him, aware that his voice (like his resolve had just done) was beginning to break.

Clearly, the other was confused about his ex-boyfriend calling.

“Can you please tell me how Seungyoun hyung is doing? I’m sorry it’s so sudden and that I’m dragging you into something that’s between me and my best friend and I promise to tell you the details later but could you please just tell me that he’s fine? Everything seems normal and okay, right? He’d not been missing soccer practice?”

Instead of answering or asking where this was all coming from, Seungwoo just flung him back the concerned sentiment, aware that Hangyul was in the middle of what seemed to be a meltdown.

The younger knew that he might have caused the other alarm, calling him out of the blue like this, and speaking so quickly and tersely. And oh god, he was about to cry. So he pretended not to hear Seungwoo’s questions, uncaring that his hand was shaking where he was holding his phone to his ear.

“Did he attend soccer practice today? Has he not been missing practices recently? Does he have his head in the game?” he added. _Please. I just wanna know how he’s doing, please._

But the older was as insistent as him, probing to know where Hangyul was coming from, and making sure he was okay first, before giving him any answer regarding the actual reason behind Hangyul’s call to him. 

“I’m in one of the dance practice rooms in the East wing,” Hangyul conceded, defiantly raising his free hand to fist at the tears brimming in his eyes. He gathered that Seungwoo might send Yohan, but that wasn’t what Hangyul called for. “Please, Seungwoo hyung, I just-”

“I’ll be there in a few,” Seungwoo cut him off before the line went dead; the dial tone still ringing in his ears as Hangyul stared at his phone dumbfounded. Well, that didn’t help any.

Hangyul tried to get himself together as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to be in the middle of a n emotional breakdown when his ex boyfriend (perhaps with Yohan) arrived. So he sat in the middle of the dance practice room, twiddling his thumbs, and berating himself for cracking. To think that he’d caused the captain of their uni’s soccer team to abandon practice just to tend to his weak ass lovesick skull.

And then he wondered how he should explain himself to his ex-boyfriend. Should he tell Seungwoo everything beginning from the night of Kookheon’s birthday?

Hangyul groaned, and covered his face with his hands, both suffering a mild case of embarrassment and a harsher case of regret at so many things. He was just going about at everything really wrong, huh? Perhaps he should-

The sound of the practice room door opening gave him a fright, before he remembered that he was expecting Seungwoo. But, oh boy, that’s definitely not his ex-boyfriend standing in the doorway; but the very subject of most of his thoughts recently.

“Seungyoun hyung,” he muttered dumbly, pushing himself up to stand in surprise.

The other was in his soccer practice clothes, and he looked frazzled. (He still looked dazzling to Hangyul, nonetheless.)

“Did Seungwoo hyung put you up to this?” Hangyul asked suspiciously, nervously picking at the lint of his joggers and trying to maintain eye contact.

“Is that what you really wanted to know, Hangyulie?”

The younger didn’t have any answer for that, the same way he had nowhere to escape as his best friend closed the door behind him and approached to stand right in front of him. 

Hangyul ducked to stare at the floor as Seungyoun examined him. 

“It hasn’t been a month,” Hangyul said softly after a few moments of silence passed between them.

Seungyoun just echoed his words. “Yeah, it hasn’t been a month.”

When the younger decided to keep his mouth shut, he heard the older sigh before he was speaking again. “I got your message though.”

“You didn’t reply,” Hangyul pointed out, unconscious of the tiny pout that had his lips jutting out as he finally looked at his best friend tentatively from underneath his eyelashes.

“I wanted to,” Seungyoun confessed, looking down at his best friend fondly. “I didn’t know what to say. And I was too proud.” He chuckled to himself a bit self-deprecatingly, as his turn to avert the younger’s gaze came.

“I missed you, Hangyulie.”

And Hangyul loathed to admit that it was almost automatic and natural how quickly he stepped forward to wrap his arms around the older’s neck. “I missed you, too, Seungyoun hyung. So much.”

Almost immediately, the older melted within his embrace, reciprocating the hug with arms around Hangyul’s waist. Bending down a bit due to their slight height difference, Seungyoun couldn’t help but bury his face in the crook of Hangyul’s neck. “I’d be sad if you didn’t.”

“Hey,” Hangyul chuckled, running a tender hand up and down his best friend’s back, ecstatic to have Seungyoun so close. _So warm._ “You asked me to stay away.”

“And I wish I hadn’t,” the older quickly replied, snuggling closer and tightening his arms around Hangyul.

“Ditto.”

They stayed that way for a few more moments, just revelling at each other’s nearness; never been more delighted to admit defeat, if only to touch each other again, each one sneaking a sniff here, a rub of the nose against the exposed skin there.

It was somehow strange how they both were taking the time to seemingly reacquaint themselves with _this_ when, in fact, this was the closest and most physically intimate they have been. In some distant corner of their brains, the ease at how they fell in each other's arms, should throw them both off-kilter yet it felt the only right & sensible thing that they should be doing at the moment.

_But it wasn’t._

Hangyul lowered his arms from around Seungyoun to hold the older’s waist, gently signalling an impending end to their embrace. “We need to talk, Seungyoun hyung.”

Seungyoun huffed at that, neither wanting to let go nor be let go of. But even he had the sense to admit that Hangyul was right. They actually had so much to talk about and iron out. “You’re right,” he grumbled under his breath, unwinding his arms from around his best friend.

The absence of warmth made Hangyul reach up to boop the older’s nose with a finger, almost like a promise that no one was either going anywhere this time or sending the other away. 

Seungyoun beamed at him bashfully before heaving a deep sigh of preparation. “I guess I owe you your time to explain this time, Hangyulie.”

The younger nodded and gave his best friend a look of invitation to join him as he lowered himself to sit cross-legged on the floor, which Seungyoun quickly caught and adhered to.

“So you already know that I have a clear recollection of that night I kissed you, right, hyung?” Hangyul began, trying to sound unaffected but knowing full well that he’d begun blushing from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

Seungyoun playfully rolled his eyes and gave the younger a fond look. “Yes, I know that,” he said, trying not to coo at how flustered Hangyul was acting in front of him, of all people.

“But you didn’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that before I actually did.”

Seungyoun tilted his head and playfully examined the other for a long moment before he remarked lightheartedly, “So are you going to tell me how long exactly?”

“Hyung!” Hangyul scowled, furiously blushing at Seungyoun’s teasing manner, “Can you please not-”

“Okay, okay,” Seungyoun quickly appeased the younger, unable to help himself from pinching Hangyul’s cheek. “Hyung is sorry and will shut up now. Okay.”

“So, uhm,” Hangyul cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for lying and telling you that I was sorry that I did it.”

“So you’re not?”

“I’m not, Seungyoun hyung,” Hangyul declared, staring right at his best friend with a look so sure there was no way he could be lying. He wanted Seungyoun to know that he meant his every word; even wanted to tell him that he’d do it again in a heartbeat if the older so much as gave him the permission to do so.

The moment was serious and drawn out - just Hangyul staring right through his soul.

To Seungyoun, it felt intense; so he turned his head away, scalded by a sudden surge shyness. “Oi, Lee Hangyulie,” he cleared his throat. “Who said you could look at me with that- that- that kind of stare?! Oi, Hangyulie.”

They both knew Seungyoun was bluffing and that he was, more than anything, trying to brush off how affected he was by what Hangyul was saying and how Hangyul was looking at him.

So the younger shook his head and broke the stare, chuckling. “Guess you’re not ready for that, hyung.”

“Ready for what, you brat-” Seungyoun smugly said before he was quickly shut up by Hangyul’s lips on his. It was nothing more than a quick, stolen peck but if he was going to be honest, it made his heart soar; made him feel as giddy as a schoolboy whose crush had just shouted ‘I love you’ loudly enough for the whole playground to hear.

“That,” Hangyul answered when they’d parted; his view filled with only Seungyoun turning a shade of embarrassing red with lips semi-parted in surprise, unblinking.

He reached between them for Seungyoun’s hands, shaking the older out of his shocked stupor. “I guess what I’m telling you is that I like you, hyung- I have liked you for so long I can’t even remember when it began. I like you. That’s why I kissed you then. That’s why I kissed you just now.”

“You idiot,” Seungyoun said, looking down at their joined hands.

“I know,” the younger breathed, “So if you still like me like you said weeks ago… If you think dating your best friend; dating me isn’t such a bad idea, Seungyoun hyung, I-”

This time, it was Seungyoun who surged forward to capture the younger’s lips with his in a kiss that was way longer and less restrained than the two previous times.

He gave the younger some time to respond and when he did, Seungyoun could swear he was floating in the clouds; the younger letting go of his hands in favor of grabbing his face gingerly. 

“Yes,” Seungyoun whispered against Hangyul’s lips during an interval where they had to part momentarily to take a breath, making Hangyul smile against his mouth with a delighted hum to boot. “Thank you for asking. A million times over: _Yes_.”

Hangyul kissed his best friend slowly, but deeply, yet carefully still. Their heads angling towards opposite directions so that their lips were slotted against each other so perfectly that time seemed to slow down.

Seungyoun inched closer, fingers intertwined behind Hangyul’s neck and he couldn’t help the tiny giggles rising from his chest where his heart was beating frantically, up to his throat that was drying up because damn, could sober Hangyul kiss.

The younger echoed his giggling, their throats vibrating in mirth even with their lips still against each other.

But even good - really good things - must come to an end, and the younger was pulling away sooner than Seungyoun wanted, lips chasing Hangyul’s in futility.

The older pulled back and glared at Hangyul who had the audacity to burst out laughing at the pout in his hyung’s lips, still holding Seungyoun’s face between his hands.

“Yah!” the older slapped Hangyul’s chest petulantly. “What’s so funny?!”

“You’re funny.” Hangyul bit down on his bottom lip to fight back his smile as he tried to be the more reasonable one, as if his lips weren’t throbbing at how deep & long their kiss was. “But don’t you think we have a lot more to talk about, hyung?”

“Yeah, but-” Seungyoun sighed, not bothering to continue, just annoyed at the amused look in Hangyul’s face. So he clicked his tongue once in defiance and rolled his eyes, making Hangyul wanna squeeze the older cheeks together.

So Hangyul did just that. “Aigoo, Seungyoun hyung,” the younger cooed, placing a chaste peck against the pout that was intensifying every passing second that Hangyul’s lips weren’t back on his. “That better?”

The older made to pry Hangyul’s hands from his face but was stopped by another peck.

“How about that one?” the younger cheekily asked, finally letting his hands fall from Seungyoun’s face. 

They stared at each other for a stretched moment, Hangyul beaming at his best friend, waiting for the corner of Seungyoun’s lips to be pulled up into a smile that reflected his.

But Seungyoun just smirked and perched himself onto Hangyul’s lap, surprising the younger whose eyes were wide like saucers as he looked up at the older who seemed to be staring at nothing but Hangyul’s own lips. “Nuh-uh, Gyullie. It will take a little bit more than that.”

The younger’s heart thundered as he tentatively held onto the older’s waist. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Seungyoun smiled, then ducked down to press that same smile onto Hangyul’s lips, for a kiss that was more than enough to make amends for the stupid request he made after they quarreled, almost costing them their friendship; and enough to make promises that from here on now, “You’re mine now, right? Gyul? As much as I am yours?”

“Perhaps if you were more convincing…”

“I hate you,” Seungyoun laughed.

“But I love you, Seungyoun hyung.”

The older sighed, more than pleased to hear and return the sentiment. “And I, you, Hangyulie.”

And those words needed to be proven, of course, with another kiss.

~

Seungyoun eventually learned that it was his unconscious lip habit that made Hangyul kiss him that fateful night.

Not much later, he began to learn using it as a nonverbal cue to ask for kisses when he was too shy to ask Hangyul.

Not that Hangyul would ever deny him.

Not that either of them would ever get tired of kissing each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> it's pretty obvious who i am lol my vocabulary's pretty limited. my style's predictable. my scenarios are almost always somehow similar to each other. and i'm one of the few still whipped for this ship. still hope u guys enjoyed this ;)


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